Losing my mind....

"I've cried until there were no more tears.. I sobbed until my lungs ached in fury... I yelled and screamed until my voice went hoarse. I wished on a star and I sent up a prayer into heaven.. please lord help me get under control before I lose everything"
     That was my facebook post from late last night.. I didnt even realize I wrote it until this morning.. My life has been well lets just say.."Less than perfect"  My parents, my children, my loneliness, my craziness have started to really wear on me... until last night I totally lost my mind..
     everything that is written above is the most accurate account of my feelings and actions last night.. I literally LOST myself in a tornado sized freak out.. I yelled at my mom, I screamed into my pillow and I cried and cried on the phone to Jason. Just praying for some sort of relief.. and you know, after all of that.. Relief came in the form of  a deep  Disturb free sleep.. My husband said all the right things. He knows exactly what I need when I get like this. Im so lucky..
     I am over my heartache now, A better person.  With every Freak out comes a new insight. Insight into the life I have, the perfect imperfection.. I dont want my life to be perfect... I need to cry so hard that my head throbs for hours.. I need to yell so loud that I lose my voice and I need to sob so hard that the very breath that allows me life escapes me for a few seconds.. I need to feel that, so when I get to the point where my imperfect perfect life gives me some perspective, tells me, Its okay to be imperfect.. As long as you love with reckless abandon and feel with every ounce of yourself.. 

And Last night was conformation..