Ive been feeling a little bit guilty lately... Well, about everything. I have a feeling something big is happening in my life, but I cant quit put my finger on it. You know that feeling of impending doom?! Maybe not Doom, But impending somethiing?? I sure do, its been a constant feeling of impendingness. (Im suprised spell check let that word through lol)
I have had my sisters boys for a while now, My little brother took Riot J home late last week, but Austin K is still here. He has been spending some time with his Auntie Bina! I feel guilty because I know how bad she misses them, But her life has been throwing her some curve balls and I know its a relief and a heartache, having them up here. Austin will be three months old on thursday. He is so adorable.. It makes me want to get pregnant and have a baby like right now..
Another guilt I have, I miss my girlfriends in Colorado so bad.. but i havent called them or emailed them since June. Just because it breaks my heart hearing about all the fun things they are doing.. and im here, with NO friends.. the family thats here (not my immediate family) but the other family kinda have their own lives, and Im not comfortable infiltraiting into their lives..
another one.. I am drinking, NOt alot but enough to make me feel bad.. I really like it.. but it goes without saying, Liking it doesnt make it right.. I come home at 2 or 3 in the morning and sleep it off until my kids get up.. Ive had this feeling that Im letting them down..
There is so much more to this, but if i keep going you will be reading for hours.. I just Wish the choice to move back to Colorado was still an option.. I miss it, I miss the girls.. I miss all of their kids.. I miss all of their laughs and all of the excitment their lives bring mine.. I guess I just miss having friends..
-Kat
Ok Katrina! Instead of going into self destruct mode. CALL ME!!! Come back to church, there are a lot of young couples like you and Jason with kids. Do some play dates, come meet us. We care about you! I will introduce you if you want me to. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteKatrina CALL ME!!!! We can go through Montrose withdrawals together! I think about you all the time and you have such a way with making people feel good about themselves that I can't imagine you not being surrounded by great friends. I hope you know that you are fabulous. It's hard not to look back in our lives and to move forward. It's very destructive to look back and think about all the happy times. We forget a lot of the bad times and just need to enjoy the time that we are in. I know this because I am working every day to think in this mode. CALL ME.
ReplyDelete