What was I thinking??

Pardon me, While I have a pity Party..

Dr. Seus' Horton the Elephant..

People need to remember one of the greatest things ever spoken by a Giant Cartoon elephant who was trying to save the Speck on the Clover..


" A Persons a Person, No Matter How Small"
to add onto that
No matter Their Race
No matter Their Sexuallity
No Matter Their Ideals
No Matter Their Religion
No Matter Anything they believe do or say..
They are a person.. Treat them as such..

song Lyric Saturday!!

This is such an old song, but I LOVE it! IT reminds me that no matter what Jason knows who I am, and he loves me anyway. And hes willing to wait out the storm with me.. I have up and down days, I Smile and I frown, I laugh and I cry sometimes all in the same few minutes... But, it doesnt matter. He loves me anyway..


Maroon 5
She will be Loved
"It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You come anytime you want

I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls, yeah

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful"

My dearest Xander..

Dear Xander,
Thank you so much for being you.. Your fingernails gross me out. Your Laugh is so contagious, EVERYONE in the world has commented on how beautiful your eyes are, and all the women are jealous of those super long Eye Lashes.. Your Big Sensitive heart is one of my favorite things about you. You are always there to give me a hug when I'm sad and you Listen {Mostly} very well.
Your a Very Very good big brother and your always willing to help me when I need it. I Love you so much buddy, I hope you grow up to be a strong, sensitive Man. who will one day Make a girl, VERY VERY lucky.. I cant wait to see the next few years come and go as you get taller, and more like a man and less like a boy. I'm so very Proud of you, and I love you very much.. You are MY Xander, and you absolutely always will be the Love of my life.

2+2= waaaaay to many!!!!

Well, as everyone knows Im a Mother {Slave on some days} to two VERY VERY adorable little creatures.. Xander who is 6 3/4 and Eliza who is 4 1/2 years old.. Well.. Welcome to Motherhood of 4 Kat.. Because you {KNOW} you wanted it..
all I can say is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Now, I have a 6 year old who is going on whiney teenager.. 2, 4 year olds that think they are the bosses and a 9 wk old.. Who has collicky.. My life is Crazy right now.. but At Least Im handling it with no tears and some giggliness..
Xander 6 Eliza 4


Riot J (4)


Austin K (9 wks)

I have then until tuesday... Wish me luck!!

Aaron Freeman 1985-2010

Knowing Someone Your Whole Life Practically, and sharing so much.
School Teachers, Homework, laughs, hates, conversations, pain and everything else you go through as you grow up. Aaron Freeman was one of the absolute funniest kids I know.
A Tragic End to such a short 25 year old life.
Im going to be totally honest. Other than the last year or so, I haven't spoken to him, Ive had passing thoughts like " I wonder what happened to Aaron over the years" Not knowing he had cancer, not knowing the things that he went through through those years of non-contact. Then all of the sudden, Pop! There he is at 3 am in in a facebook chat going, talking for hours catching up on lost time. WE we rent really "The best of friends" growing up, but we REALLY REALLY knew each other. I mean how can you go through almost 12 years of school NOT knowing someone. We spent almost all 7 yrs of elementary school in the same class.

None of that matters. My heart is still broken. For a life that was taken WAY to early, I had a 3 am conversation with him on Saturday morning, the morning of the day he died. Just a passing of Hey How are you why aren't you sleeping you freak kind of a conversation, It lasted not 5 minutes. But it will be the conversation I hold in my heart for the rest of my life.
Aaron,
Your Quirk and Crudeness, and Hilarity and uniqueness will be forever in my heart, and the hearts of everyone who had the privileged to know you. Your Strength and endurance of all things was admirable and something people look up to.
I will never be able to look at anything Beavis and Butthead without thinking of you. You will be missed my friend, but we WILL meet again.
With sadness I say goodbye,
Kat. :)

Elizas new Motto

"DOOOO IT"
She wont stop eggin people on..
she is a leader, but pretty sure shes going to be the one getting ppl introuble just because she can..
Everytime I tell her or xander not to do something naughty i hear Lize quietly go "Xander DOOOO IT" its sure ISNT cute!! Little butthead.. Oh well, @ least she wont be a follower... hrmm, bad thing or good thing?? Not so sure anymore.

Song Lyric Saturday!!

"Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now (wish right now, wish right now)

Yeah
I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partyin’ and smashin’ and crashin’
And all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you’re staring at that phone in your lap
And you hoping but them people never call you back
But that’s just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel
And they sayin’ what would you wish for
If you had one chance
So airplane airplane sorry I’m late
I’m on my way so don’t close that gate
If I don’t make that then I’ll switch my flight
And I’ll be right back at it by the end of the night"

Airplanes
B.O.B. Ft. Haley Williams

I dont know how many millions of times when I was a kid would look into the night sky and wish on an Airplane thinking it was a star. Everytime I hear this song it takes me back and reminds me of all the things i use to wish for. I love Thinking about all the wishes I made. From the silliest thing like Please help me, not have any bad dreams tonight. I was a pretty scared little kid. EVERYTHING scared me. Or Id wish much bigger wishes PLease Help my sister, come back to us and stop using drugs. Please keep the fighting away for just one night. To PLEASE PLEASE Let me marry Nick Carter.. haha. I was such a silly little person! So there ya have it. Song Lyric Saturday Volumn 2

GRAFFIC CONTENT!!!

This is going to be me in a couple weeks.. Sept 10th.. D-day.. D for Devastation... I'm not going to lie, I'm really really scared. I'm afraid of starving.. I'm afraid of having a throbbing, sore-throat for weeks.. I don't want to miss Eliza and Xander's soccer games.. but most of all I'm afraid i'm going to lose my singing voice.. Singing is the absolute for me.. The very thing i could die doing, Perfectly happy, singing my heart out.. It scares me to think that there's a chance, however minuet that that can be gone forever.
I dont want to toot my own horn, but if u havent heard me sing, you would understand my fear. there are alot of things im NOT good at, but singing definitely is one of the things I am good at.. down right Amazing.. Sorry if im sounding conceded about my gift, but if u understood what i could be risking you would understand. I heard its a very small possibility but its still a possibility. Im very worried. I would rather lose my sense of taste than my ability to sing!! ugh!

Imagine All the People

I realize that Glee is becoming So Cliche!
but with all of the Hate, Disaster Genocide, and Racial Problems I felt like this was so appropriate. John Lennon was a man of vision. He could invision this beautiful planet as a place of peace, Love and Unity. All he wanted us to do was Imagine it, because Imagination is the beggining of something Great.. The Begening of a generation that can make those things that he sings about happen. He was inspirational, and I hope I can raise my kids to have some of the ideals he had.
Watch and Listen,
And The World Will Live as One.
What a concept..

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

First day of pre-K

First day of school was a total success.. Eliza even announced on the way home that she has a boyfriend named "Cache" (cash) and he told her he thinks shes CUUUTE! haha. So funny. SO proud of my little girl, big huge steps in the growing up direction. Its kind of Bittersweet. Such a proud mom I am!

song Lyric Saturday!!

Since Saturday is the day I spend most of my time in the car with Jason, and the kids listening to music. Driving around looking at houses, Letting the kids nap or doing other super randomn things, I thought i would be appropriate to share a Song Lyric that I heard on the radio, Ipod, Cd, Phone whatever.. So here is it.. Song lyric of the day.. Its by Christina Perri, Jar of hearts. Its my ring tone and for some reason my phone has been ringing off the hook today!!
"who do you think you are?
runnin’ ’round leaving scars
collecting a jar of hearts
tearing love apart
you’re gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul
don’t come back for me
who do you think you are?"
-Christina Perri, Jar of Hearts.
I am absolutely in love with this song right now. If I was a teenager I would totally be playing this song OVER and OVER again probably with Mascara Streaming down my face, Broken hear-ted or Desperately in love. I especially like the lyric "you're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul" I totally know people that I have thought that about. So angry and bitter about everything, that your surprised they haven't cut the word "HATE" into their bottom lip. ha.
So there ya have it.. My newest endeavor. Song Lyric Saturday!! See you nxt week for the next installment. Who knows maybe it will be a little bit brighter. Im not really in the Rainbow and butterfly kinda Mood today.
Love you all

word vomit

Just felt like writing tonight, I dont ever get any really good writing sessions in anymore. I miss it, I miss the release as my pen scribbles on paper. With every word, sentence and paragraph I can feel myself getting further and further released from the grasps of life. From the Tesion on my shoulders. Its like the power of word (even though im not neccesarily good at it) releases me from evil. Like a Slave of my own life, and sentences are the key to the shackles that keep me captive.
I dont ever know what to write about until i sit down and start typing. The words flow like water out of an overfilled watering can. Growing inspiration with every period and coma. I am horrible at grammer. Im sure people read this and think "man she needs to take an english course" Which is probably true.
I have a migraine, they dont really get as bad as it is right now, and sitting in this dark room, starring at this brightly lit screen, looking at little tiny words and they rush themselves across the page with every click of the key board. Im a fast typer So i can get a lot done in a little time, so hopefully this will go by fast and Ill get to the sanctuary that leaving my thoughts on paper takes me to. Its like electricity that runs through my veins. like that spark you feel when you meet someone you know you are really going to like, maybe even love. words are the spoken truths of your heart. either in the form of a Harsh Reality or a Secret Love, spoken only to the one who is willing to listen. with every click of the key board is a beat of my heart. Coursing the very life force through me that gives me the passion to write these words. That probably dont make any sense to you, but gives me that relief i am so desperate for. Like a Long drink of water from a well, that you have been searching your whole life for.
Life is so interesting to me. My life, your life, his life her life. The life I was suppose to lead and the Life i chose to lead. The life that Christ Sacrificed himself for so that I can change my path when i get lost in darkness.
HIS words are like the oil in my lamp that guides my way back home. The umbrella when im caught in the hurricane. I realize I don't necessarily lead a life which is redeemable, but I lead the Life I was meant to. The one that my heart sent me to lead. I love my life. Im lucky to have the people in it that I have. My children who call me mom, My husband who calls me Love, MY mom and dad and sisters and brother who call me Sissy. The terms of endearment that are just that DEAR to my heart. and to the heart of my soul. Which to me are two completely different entities. My heart guides my Feelings and My soul takes those feelings and makes sure they are TRUE to who I am, And then leads to where Im suppose to be.
Im sure people think im crazy, im a little bit loud and over bearing, im a little bit careless in the words I let slip between my lips, because they are just that. Words, Words that come from my soul. That arent meant to harm, but meant to embrace. The Fat the ugly, the skinny the beautiful. The words that embrace YOUR soul, and allow our souls to connect on a level unknown to even the deepest corners of our hearts. Yes the heart is the symbol of love, but its the soul that loves. when you soul connects with someone elses it takes that symbol of Love and allows it to pump your life force into their life. It integrates with their eletrical systems and allows that Love to become electrified.
I keep seeing people that were so prevalent in my life at one point or another. people who have reminded me of the me that I loved so much. The carefree me that takes what comes and doesn't give a crap about everything that goes on around me. I saw an ex-boyfriends aunt at Chili's the other night, Shawna. Her Nephew beat me up in the basement of their house and she didn't do anything but tell him he should of hit me where no one would be able to tell. The one whose kids Loved me so much because I got down on the floor and played Lego's, and race cars with them. Its always so awkward when life reminds you of who you were, Your BEST SELF and your worst self. and everyone in between. It reminds you that you were lucky, I feel lucky to have experienced everything I did. The (more) than one abusive boyfriend, the crazy Katrina that would re-ended a police officer, but got off with less than a warning. The Katrina that would go over to a boys house and convince him to watch scary movies just to be able to hide my face in the collar of their shirts. I hope my daughter enjoys her life as much as I have enjoyed mine, Hopefully with less heart ache and more laughter. Less Tears of pain and more tears that come from laughing so hard you cry. More happiness and Less Pain. I hope that she knows that she can absolutely talk to me about anything. without judgment, without prejudiced, With Love and understanding of the difficulties of being a teenager. The Break ups, the Make ups, the fights with her best friends. The horrible pain of losing someone from Suicide or Drug overdose. The hate that you feel towards your elders. And the disrespect you get from everyone around you. I want her to feel less of that and more of the Late nights with the girls. Group dates, Single dates, First kisses, the feeling you get when someone grabs your hand and tells you how much you mean to them. I want all of those for her. The pain will make her find her true self and everything else will remind her of that girl she found in her darkest hours. I just hope that when she goes through those dark hours that I can be her candle, That I can be that light that shows her the beauty behind all the running mascara and smeared lipstick.
I hope I can not only be her mother, Set Boundaries but i also want her to see me as a friends, someone who wont judge her and someone who can give advice when asked. My ambien is kicking in and my headache is easing. Im going to bed, and try to sleep it all back to normal. I want to embrace life. Not run from it. and I want all of you to do the same. Goodnight Blog Land.. See you tomorrow!

Friday Randomness..

SO last night, I decided to ditch my kids (after they were in bed of course) and I had a really great night. Recently Ive reconnected with someone that I knew a long time ago. After grabbing food we sat and talked for hrs about everything.. Somethings were said that made me really start thinking about things.. I came home and thought all night. I take Ambien usually to help me sleep but instead I really wanted to stay awake and think. Re-evaluate decisions I made, beliefs that I feel so strongly about and why.
Its always so hard to sit down and really think About decisions that you know you cant take back even if you wanted to. Like my decision to drop out of high school and get married. I'm so blessed to be in the situation I am in. I have an AMAZING husband, Beautiful kids and a life to be so proud of. Yet, I still cant stop thinking about what COULD have been if I chose to go to school, get an education and waited to kids.
I cant help but think about those WOulda Coulda Shouldas.. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids. But I always wonder what Could or Would have been if I didn't get pregnant at 17. ill be 36 when Xander Graduates from high school. Some women don't even start their families until then. they have Careers and experiences That I am never going to have. And It makes me really stop and think. No experience in the world would make me want to trade those precious moments I have with my kids. Like, when Eliza Climbs in bed with me and presses her little body into my arms for protection from the Monsters in her dreams. Or when Xander says hey mom and I look at him I get a big Wink and a raised eye brow.. The moments I have had that no other person in this world is going to be privileged to have. The amazing Creatures that I brought into this world. With my Flesh, and My Blood, and the LOVE that created them. Im so lucky.
So why am I sitting around thinking about what could have been instead of reveling in the moments that Have been. I need to remind myself that I am a Lucky Girl. That When people look into my windows at night and see me snuggling on the couch with Jason, Getting Good night kisses from my kids, Sitting in the living room in a silent house reading a book, indulging in late night Ice cream binges, they wish that the choices made in their lives where the type of choices that would have lead them to a life like mine.
I need to realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. That maybe My grass looks greener from someone else's perspective. I need to be more Grateful for what I have, and stop thinking about Could have been.
"When the evening shadows and the stars appear, And there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years To make you feel my love."
-Make you feel my love-
Adele

This is how it works

Regina Spektor Says;


"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

Heros

3 {teenagers} lifted up a 3000# car after it backed over a {Toddler} Pulling the {Toddler} out from underneath it {Saving} his life..
I dont know about you, But Thats what I call a {Miracle}.
God forbid anything like that happening to my Kids but if it does. I hope Theres a Hero standing by to Save my {babies}
With {Grace} anything is possible

Adventures in {baby sitting}

Well TEchnically its not babysitting when its taking care of your own kids. But That movie was super fun, and I LOVE the title!
A few things Mention Worthy that have gone on this summer!
Well, Me and my Dad took the kiddos to Classic Water slide park.. Which really is a 15x15 pool at the end of 4 Big Kid Water slides and then a splash pad for the little kids.
Eliza and I spent the afternoon going down the Big Kid water slides and Xander played in the little person splash pad with inflatable Kid water slides! Everytime We went down the Big Water Slide Eliza would race us up the hill to do it again! I probably walked 4 miles STRAIGHT up hill that day!
well while I was killing myself walking up that hill 67 million times Xander played in the Shallow pool and went down the inflatable slides!

Well after sliding and playing in the pool the whole afternoon we decided to get snow cones!!! Just in time! They were having a dance contest, and little did you know, my kid could move did you? Because he WON!!!

We also had the bathroom re-done
Before

After

I went to Wyoming to find us a place to live and all I found was a Wild horse..
As majestic and beautiful as that is.. Not really a place I want to raise my kids.. But we are still optimistic!!


We went Bowling.. And Eliza literally kicked our butts!!
WONDER WHY?? HMMMM She figured out to line up he rack and get strike after strike!

as for xander and the rest of us, we did the old fashioned way.. and was schooled!! lol, but we still had ALOT of fun!!

Eliza got her Preschool hair cut!!!


End result!!

Got them both enrolled in school!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I cannot believe I have a first grader and a pre-schooler!! EEEEEK!
Well thats all for now!! We did way more stuff including but not limited to.
Shooting
Lagoon
I got my hair done
Jason started a new job
Took up couponing
(bought 20 boxes of cereal forunder 15 dollars!!)
Saw a hot air balloon glow
Hoola Hooped with hippies down town
Painted the front door red
Bought a 3 foot deep swimming pool
Dyed Elizas hair pink
Planted a pumpkin, water melon and sunflower garden AND ACTUALLY WATERED IT!!
and bought a Tarantula!!
Had surgery
Went through (and still going through) Menopause
So far its been an AMAZING summer and its coming to a close!! Hope all of our summers are full of family and LOVE!! School stared in a Week for eliza and 2 for Xander! Hopefully before we know it Next summer will be here and we can start the fun all over again!! Love you all!!
KAT!

My Fair Lady

Dear Audrey Hepburn,
Thank you for being so brilliantly beautiful. So Wise with words and So amazingly talented. If my daughter grows up and is even a fraction of Who you Were then I believe she can conquer the world.
Thanks for being you,
KAt





"For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others."
— Audrey Hepburn

Let Freedom Ring!!

Ingrid Michaelson.. I {heart} you

So, theres this girl.. That Im in love with..
Her name is Ingrid Michaelson.. Never heard of her? Well Scroll on down a couple posts and press play on the music video below.. go ahead Ill wait while you listen! She is so amazing.. She has one of those voices that makes you feel all the way into her soul, and yours.. She isnt even your "typical" entertainment beauty. She doesnt have extensions, or wear skimpy clothes. She doesnt Flaunt herself in the media, She hasnt gone to Jail or Rehab, she is juat all around Beautiful.

So she wrote thing song called "The Way I am" Its about Loving someone so much, and realizing that they love you just "the way you are" its such a good song. It makes me think of Jason and how with all of my faults and mistakes and neurosis he loves me just the way I am! Sorry about the Stupid Advertisment.. Youtube disabled embedding for this particular video.



Ingrid Michaelson "The Way I Am" (music video)
Uploaded by Ingrid_Michaelson. - See the latest featured music videos.

True Love

(water Aerobics)

Be Ok. Ingrid Michaelson

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today

Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

I just want to know today, know today, know today
I just want to know something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

Open me up and you will see
I’m a gallery of broken hearts
I’m beyond repair, let me be
And give me back my broken parts

Just give me back my pieces
Just give them back to me please
Just give me back my pieces
And let me hold my broken parts

I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today
I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok
I just want to be ok today

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today

Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok
Know that maybe I will be ok

a little piece of me. (well, My terrible writing skills that is)

I've never really been the kind of girl that keeps things inside. That bundles emotions in a little drawer in a little dresser in a big gun safe Locked into the deepest corner of my mind.
I wear every emotion on my sleeve, I tell it like it is (well, like i see it anyway) and call it a spade a spade.
I'm a little lopsided, and lumpy. I'm a little short and I cant ever quite get my hair right. I wear to much makeup (according to my mother) and I yell to much (according to my husband). I cry when my feelings get hurt, I frown way to much. My skin is all freckly, and pale. I burn way to easily and I hate the smell of sunscreen. I spend WAY to much money on clothes that are to small that I never wear twice. My teeth are yellow and according to my daughter my breath stinks in the middle of the night when she climbs in bed to sleep with me. I lose everything I touch and I can never get ANYWHERE on time.
SO, there's a List of all the things that are Wrong with me. Well, not all of them i'm sure there are about 16 bazillion more.
Heres a list of the things I do right.
I am passionate about Love. I love so deeply and completely it overwhelms me. I managed to get a man that is so right for me its wrong. I have 2 of the most beautiful creatures in the world that call me mom.
I will tell you how it is, If you think your ugly, Ill tell you your beautiful, because guess what? there's no such thing as ugly to me. I get so overwhelmed with emotion that the only thing i can do is laugh and cry and the same time. I laugh so loud its contagious, I have a tendency to make people laugh right along with me, Not at me. I have so many friends (good or bad) that its hard for me to count. My friends call me "Pantene" because my hair is so thick and wild that its beautiful. Im curvy and (mostly) proud of that.
I spend money on things that make my children smile from morning until night. My skin is pale and freckly my husband thinks its sexy. I have a daughter Who loves to snuggle with me after shes had a bad dream, Stinky breath or not. My teeth are yellow yes, but are straight and beautiful anyway. I lose everything I touch, but i get so lost in Love and Laughter that sometimes my days are filled with just that. Love and Laughter. I love all of my faults, and attributes. I KNOW that the people that love me are the ones that matter the most, and I am absolutely the luckiest girl I know.

Oh Leo

Okay, I know I know.. Im like Crazy silly!
But after the movie Inception im ready to trade my husband in for this guy!!!
SOO HOTT!!! hehe